My apologies for not writing more but given that I only have 60 minutes to get through this entry it makes sense that I focus on the recap and not the apology/flimsy excuses right? While I can’t cover all the games, I will do my best to cover the important points and the important games….
WEEK 2
KANSAS CITY v. DETROIT
I knew I had Kansas City (the others are Atlanta, Tampa Bay and Houston) as one of my four hype-up/overhyped teams for a reason, but no one has been pounded this hard at home since Lindsay Lohan’s stint on house arrest….yes I know the Lions were at home, but I couldn’t waste the line.
OAKLAND v. BUFFALO
Nice to see Buffalo at 2-0, McFadden has got some wheels on him and unless Big Ol’ Al Davis finds a way to fuck it up, he’s a lock for AFC Offensive Player now that Chris Johnson has gone into witness protection.
TAMPA BAY v. MINNESOTA
Tampa is able to build on its hype up status by coming back against a terrible choking Vikings team which has now given up leads in two consecutive weeks.
New Orleans v. ChICAGO
No big surprises here, the Saints offensively challenge Bears team who have insisted on leaving Jay Cutler out to twist in the wind. The only bright spot on the Bears is Forte and he’s unhappy with is contract. Her Martz and Bears brass, PAY THAT MAN HIS MONEY!
BALTIMORE v. TENNESSE
Wow huge win by the Titans, especially after the Ravens throttled the Steelers in Week1. Could the Titans be for real? The win is even more impressive given Chris Johnson’s aforementioned status in Witness Protection.
Cleveland v. Indy
Cleveland steamed Indy with the run game, and without Peyton Manning the Colts are like a group of turtles on their backs
JAX v. NY JETS
Jets pound the Jags at home, which is no surprise given that the Jags gave up on the season 3 days before the season kicked off by cutting their franchise quarterback to save a couple Fazools.
Seattle v. Pittsburgh
NO, the Steelers didn’t just crush a terrible Seattle team at home who similar to the Jags also gave up on the season when it decided to make Tavaris Jackson its QB instead of going after Carson Palmer. Again no big surprises.
Arizona v. Washington
Gutty win at home by Washington, Washington who is relying on Rex Grossman and Rex Grossman’s bold prediction of winning the NFC East, at 2-0 is on track.
Green Bay v. Carolina
No big surprises here other then the fact that I would have thought GB crushes Carolina by at least 21 and not a meager 7. Still not sold on Newton, has the tools, but is missing that killer winning instinct.
Dallas v. San Fran
Great win by the Cowboys despite their terrible Secondary and even more terrible Offensive line. Seriously when is Uncle Jerry going to take some of that big take some of that big Texas money and spend it on his O-line so that he can protect the franchise QB?? Last year the season was lost when he took that terrible blindside hit…this year he broke his rib and punctured his lung on the same sort of deal. Come on Jerry, get on the trolley.
Cincy at Denver
Denver wins at home. Whoop.
Houston v. Miami
Houston also builds on its hype-up status by beating up on a Miami team in free fall.
San Diego v. NE
NE continues its dominance by easily beating a team many had representing the AFC in the Superbowl. The Chargers better pray they get Gates back soon, because while they win some games, a Rocky Balboa real contender they’ll never be.
Philadelphia v. Atlanta
Philly losses to Atlanta and in the process spoils Vick’s home coming (although he actually was a back-up when Philly played at Atlanta some time ago…but shhh don’t spoil it for the lazy writers). Not only did Philly get beat, but Vick predictably shockingly left the game with injury. While this is bad news for Philly, its good news for Vick who by getting injured in game 2, wins the Bob Sanders Mr. Glass Award given to the first guy who you know is going to get injured during the course of a season…wait what Bob Sanders went on the IR already??!?? Well there you have it folks Bob Sanders just Bob Sandered Mickael Vick. Hey they don’t call it the Bob Sanders award for nothing.
St. Louis v.Giants
No real surprises here, an under valued Giants team beat up on an overvalued Rams team hurting with their star RB hurting and their franchise QB regressing.
WEEK 3
NE v. BUFFALO
HUUUUUUGEE shocker (although I actually was going to bet on this one…seriously, you can ask my friend Ry if I was going to bet on Buffalo or not…I just didn’t have my online sports account set up…seriously). NE looked like they were going to run away with this one until Tom Brady decided that he was tired of Greg Easterbrook and 95% of the Sports Media riding his jock, that he decided to give a game away to Buffalo and in so doing quelled early calls/talk about a 16-0 (which is annoying as fuck and should only be banned until a team is 13-0).
San Fran v. Cincy
I sure hope you bet the under, as a 13-8 win by San Fran is the lowest and weirdest point total I can remember. How do you even get 8 points?
Miami v. Cleveland
Miami continues its freefall by proving that not only can they not win at home, but they hate the road just as much. I haven’t seen a team quit on their coach this badly since the Vikings went from ‘Love Boat’ to ‘Mutiny on the Bounty’ last year. Peyton Hillis also apparently had his period and was unable to play and nearly sunk my fantasy team until I realized I had his backup on my squad as a handcuff. Man up Hillis.
Denver v. Tennesse.
Chris Johnson continues to give us his best Henry Hill impression (although I believe Hill even got tired of Witness Protection) and showing us how easy it is to disappear with tens of millions of dollars. He is a role model to fugitives everywhere and I applaud him for that. The Titans w/o Johnson however continue to impress and are doing so with Matt Hasselback who many thought was washed up.
Detroit v. Minnesota
Massive comeback for the Lions as they come from 20 down to snake the victory from the win-starved Vikings. I do not think they are for real yet, but at 7-0 in their last season strectching back to last season, they certainly are not charter members in my all hype-up club (HOUSTON, TB, ATLANTA, KC you know where you at).
Houston v. Saints
Another offensively impressive win by the Saints, who are determined to put up more points and play less defense then anybody who has ever thought of playing football.
Giants v. Philly
Philly gets hammered at home by the Gmen (fuck I wished I had save that Lindsay Lohan line). The Dream-Team cannot catch a break and appears to falling apart faster then a Chinese motorcycle (one love Rodney Dangerfield).
JAX v. Carolina
This week’s who cares game (which is pretty much any Jax game). The only thing of note is that Cam Newton won his first NFL game, and in ten years when he still hasn’t won a title it will be something for him to look back fondly on.
NY Jets v. Oakland
Wow did the Raiders really put the hurt on the Jets this badly?? What is up with the Jets? All that talk and this? To quote Diddy’s boy Mase “I talk a lotta shit, but I back it up there’s a difference…”…true say, and maybe its something big Ol’ Rex needs to remember and take to his hardened artery encased heart.
Baltimore v. St.Louis
Never do anything nice for anyone. Ever. At least that’s my moto after this game. Why? Because just before this game kicked off I had a 25.00 dollar bet on this game for Baltimore to win against the spread and another 25.00 dollar bet on Atlanta betting the same thing. But just before I was about to hit ‘confirm bet’ I remember that my friend Stef (Stefano) was locked out of his Account so I called him up to see if he wanted any action. He promptly said he wanted me to put 50 on the Ravens for him. Big paid day coming right? Wrong, because by the time I had fixed the bets, I was 1 second over and could no longer place that bet. So what did I do? I put the 25 I was gonna put on the Ravens and put in on the Falcons, and of course the Ravens won huge and Matty Ice and Co. find a way to fuck me out of 50.00 bucks by not being able to beat hype up team TB (although I am partially to blame because I should never have bet on one hype up team being able to beat up another). So there are two lessons learned, never do anything nice for anyone, and never bet on a hype up team to beat another hype up team(never betting on a hype-up team against anyone is a given).
Atlanta v. TB
Cover above. EFFF U ATL!!!!!!!!!!! AND EFF YOU ARTUR BLANK FOR TRYING TO MAKE NFL FANS FEEL SORRY FOR YOU DURING THE VICK SCANDAL WHEN YOU GOT A BETTER FRANCHISE QUARTER BACK AND ARE A FUCKING BILLIONAIRE!!!!!!!
KC v. San Diego
“Back-and-forth, Back-and-Forth, I can’t take it…and end has to be put to this”-KC Underboss Artie Piscano (from Casino)
KC finds a way to lose in a game that San Diego was trying its best to give away. Seriously, Gates either saw your foot off or retire, you are causing too much stress to my fantasy QB Rivers.
Green Bay v. Chicago
Predictable win by the Superbowl champs. Nothing new of note either, Rodgers keeps rolling, and Chicago is still not paying their best player his money. PAY ALL-DAY FORTE HIS MONEY (That’s right AP until your team wins a game I am jacking your name). Ohh what am I talking about this game featured the best play of the year, although it was called back and I am of course referring to the fake catch and run by Devin Hester which was actually caught and run by Johnny Knox and returned for a touchdown until the refs decided to invent a hold and call the play back. Even if there was a real hold and not a phantom one a play of this fantastic magnitude should be allowed to stand.
Pittsburgh v. Indy
Wow does Pittsburgh look weak right now. While Indy gave a gutty performance, without a running game or passing game Pittsburgh should have trounced the Colts in this one. Their once heralded Run game and Run Defense have stunk in recent weeks.
Washington v. Dallas
Another big week for Tony Romo’s ego, but this one was way to close for comfort. When your offensive line is doing everything they can to lose a game, your corners stink, your QB is hanging on by a thread and one of your top wide-outs is missing this win is a pure combination of luck and grit. And while grit has some staying power, luck can swing on a dime. Next week depending on the line I bet against Dallas.
WEEK 4
Carolina v. Chicago
While I am warming up to Cam Newton, after this game he is still 1-3. However, I will take my own advice and give him the slack all new QBs deserve instead of mercilessly ripping them apart and/or placing these huge and lofty expectations on their shoulders. Therefore, Newton I am giving until nextg year before I start judging you on wins and loss and I will continue to hope that the media and fans give Newton and all other rookie Qbs at least some of the courtesy and understanding that was extended 1st ballot hall of famers Peyton Manning and Troy Aikman and the like. This was a winnable game for Carolina and hopefully Newton continues to improve…or feel my wrath next season. I will state that Newton being a “mobile” quarterback is a huge red-flag as it is my bold prediction (and has held true for the last 10 years) that no “mobile” quarterback (i.e. better at juking then throwing) can ever win a Superbowl (unless of course the vast majority of teams succumb to this terrible mobile quarterback hype that has infected the league the last 12 years or so).
Buffalo v. Cincy
Wow Buffalo, way to bring your fans and franchise back to earth after all the momentum you had built throughout the season. If Buffalo, Detroit and Tennesse aren’t added to my all hype-up club by seasons end I will be shocked. Totally winnable game Buffalo, you should be ashamed.
Tennessee v. Cleveland
Chris Johnson briefly comes out of witness protection to collect is check, and by that he had a good day on the ground. Will this last, well he is getting some help via the air with Matt Hasselbeck’s continued rejuvenation in Tennessee, but if the laws of “I just got paid” hold up, don’t expect too much from CJ this year and at best he will be 75% of the man he was last year when he wasn’t even close to being the best RB in football (despite his demands to be paid better than one). In other news, Peyton Hillis put away his tampons and decided to play, but only turned in a mediocre effort, getting outplayed and out-fantasy pointed by his back-up Hardesty. This stinks of an in-season contract hold-out and resulting lack of effort, which goes against everything the NFL stands for. Hillis should have been a man and held out before camp…that’s the American way, although he is going into work and doing his job half-assed which is also the American way, so I don’t know what’s going on.
Detroit v. Dallas
I knew Dallas was going to find a way to lose this game. I just knew it. I knew it before the game, I knew it during the game when they were up huge and I knew it when Detroit was in the midst of their comeback and Dallas was playing like a turtle trying to cross the freeway. How confident was I?? Well even though my beloved Cowboys were favoured at home, the second the line moved to -2.5 I bet against them (for anyone who has ever bet against their team you know how this feels, its like openly picking one of your kids over the other). The result? Even though Dallas was up large I could smell disaster looming, because being a Dallas fan for almost 20 years and watching them in their post glory days era I can tell you 5 constants about the Cowboys….
1) They blow leads like no other team in professional sports (any Randy Moss Minnesota game, the Washington home opener in 2005, the Washington game from 2010, the Saints game from 2010, the Jets game from 2011, and of course last week’s game against Detroit). I am sure if I sat here and thought about it I could think of a ton more examples.
2) They cannot blow-out teams, in fact the only games they win are close ones. I cannot recall them ever just absolutely blowing out a team in the last ten years (except maybe the Lions here or there before this season), that’s why I knew they were going to find a way to blow this Lions game. They can get blown out mind you, they can get blown out hard, especially in games of consequence (Philly game to get into the playoffs a couple of seasons ago, Minnesota in the Playoffs two years ago, Green Bay in 2010 etc.), but ya they can blow out no one.
3) Their corners and defensive backs stink. I have seen no other team with worse play from their secondary then the Dallas Cowboys in the last maybe 13 years. Any Cowboys fan will tell you, any time Dallas has to make a critical 3rd down stop, even if its third and long, Dallas will find a way to blow the coverage and give up the big play down field and probably allow the touchdown.
4) Tony Romo is all or nothing. Period. Its weird because the guy plays some of the best gritty, smart football I have ever seen, and this is more then just his statistics, he does play great on field football, but there is the time/game where he will just implode like the Hindenburg and his team will go down with him. But again, a ton of times and more times then naught, he will be the catalyst in his teams victories, he will lead the 4th quarter comeback he will make all of his teammates better. So in sum he is better more often then he is bad, however the way he losses and the devastating effects that they have given the supreme let down, perhaps are more effect on the team morale overall. I am a Romo fan, given all that I have seen in the time since Aikman, but I hope that he at least finds a way to lose ok and not in such a terrible an gut wrenching ways.
5) Dallas has no run game. Period. Yes their have been games here or there were various backs have put up various 100 yard games, but overall this team has not been able to run the ball effectively and consitantly for the last 13 years at least. Thomas Jones was not the answer, Marion Barber was definitely not the answer and to this point, Felix Jones has not been the answer (and his affinity for injury is helping nothing).
However all this being said, if New England beats the Jets this week and does so badly, bet a ton that Dallas will cover the spread against New England, because as strange as it may sound after all that I have said, Dallas has always found a way to keep games when they are the outright underdogs to good teams competitive (New Orleans last year, the Colts in their Superbowl season, the Giants in their Supebowl season-beating them twice in the regular season, New England in the season they went to the Superbowl etc.).
Minnesota v. KC
In another shocker, Minnesota found a way to lose to the hapless Chiefs. I hate Donovan McNabb and I hate the Vikings, but even I feel a little bit bad about what’s going on with this franchise and how they are giving games away and the humiliating way they are going down. Well I feel bad, but not that bad given that Leslie Frazier still has a job given his current standing as worst coach in the NFL (narrowly edging out Indy’s guy).
Washington v. St Louis
Washington continues to roll this season with a road victory against the Rams. Yes Grossman had a terrible week, but the Redskins were able to capitalize on a solid run game, solid defense and the fact that they were playing the Rams. Solid win overall..although I still have no confidence in this team’s ability to win against good teams, which yes qualifies them to be proposed for membership for the all-hype of squad.
San Fran v. Philly
Yes another solid loss for this the Philly ‘Dream Team’. At 1-3 this team is playing exactly how a team coached by Andy Reid, no chemistry and a just got paid QB should be playing…but worse. How they blew this game I’ll never know, and if Tony Romo didn’t win blow his team’s win so dramatically and by a greater margin, the facts that they blew a 20 point lead would have certainly been the talk of the NFL. While I am still pissed that Dallas didn’t get Asomugha despite his questionable Philly play (because he is still miles ahead better then any corner named Deion Sanders has ever had and light years ahead of anyone they currently have), I take solace in the fact that they are losing so splendidly. All this being said however, bet the farm that they will beat Buffalo this week and most likely cover the spread as well.
NO v. Jax
Predicatable win by the Saints, and predicatable terrible performance by the Jags. Other then Jones-Drew I can’ think of a single thing to like about the Jags. NOTHINGGGGGG.
Pittsburgh v. Houston
No I am not ready to take Houston off the all-hype and overrated list because they did not win the game, Pittsburgh lost it and not just lost it but handed it to them. If Pittsburgh’s run game was even a shell of what it was last year, they cruise to victory in this one. Plus their franchise QB gets hurt and has been playing questionably all season. Will the Steelers turn it around? Unknown at this point because the Pros and Cons for them are pretty even
Pro
-their coach is still solid and he does look like Omar Epps, so he might still have the juice now
-Troy Polamalu is back and healthy
-Their No. 1 WR is solid
-Their defense despite being older and nicked up still plays hard
Cons
-Rothlesberger (sp?) has not raped anyone in a while (at least in a while) and it seems to be affecting his play
-Rothererreslegbergger (sp?) is banged up
-Their Defense is not only older, but injured in a bunch of places including losing Harrison for an extend period of time, possibly even the season
-Their O-line is terrible
-They have no run game, and Mendenhall has played like a jack-ass thus far this season
-They are fighting the Superbowl runner-up hangover/curse
So there you have it, pretty good pro and con list right there, although the cons do seem to win out, I see this team going 8-8 or 9-7 this season.
Giants v. Arizona
The Giants find a way to dirty Arizona and come from 14 back in this one to win the game late (and win my bet on the Giants as well). Arizona complained that Cruz fumbled the ball when he walked away from it, but that is a fluke fumble and the Giants still deserved to win the game. If Arizona ever wants to be taken seriously they have to find a way to either clone Kurt Warner or actually find ways to win and put away teams instead of relying on flimsy excuses.
Atlanta v. Seattle
My only question in seeing the final in this game, is how did Atlanta only win by 2? Yes Seattle is playing at home, where they find a way to suck less (just ask the Saints), but they still have Tavaris Jackson at QB, no playmakers on either side of the ball and Atlanta was up big in this one. Atlanta is on shakier ground this season then Tony Sporano’s job security. Zero faith in them. None.
Denver v. Green Bay
Green Bay trounces Denver at Lambo, no real surprises here other than the fact that Clay Matthews has stunk this season and is yet to make a play on defense (did he just get paid or something?) and that Kyle Orton was actually trying to make plays in this game despite the fact that his team was getting beat worse than Victor Ortiz (the one angle in this Mayweather fight that no seems to cover is the fact that he has won this way before when he slaughtered Arturo Gatti a few summers ago. Gatti put his hands down, and was whooped by Mayweather. To all the pretenders out there rememeber, keep your hands up at all times against Money May, he’s a killer. Also Ortiz has no right to complain, the way he was fighting he was going to get knocked out in the next round anyway, at least this way he can hook another payday with someone).
New England v. Oakland
I took New England in this one when it was New England at 4.5, even when it was -6 this game was a lock. New England always plays tremendous after a loss and even the Raiders garbage time score meant nothing.
Miami v. San Diego
I don’t know what it is, but even at 3-1 San Diego looks shakey to me. I have no confidence in their ability to win against a good team right now. They are winning games against scrubs, but even these victories are mad questionable. Would San Diego have covered the spread if Henne doesn’t get hurt and they find a stiff from the local morgue to come in and play in his stead? I doubt it. Rivers man up and start throwing some TDs one time…yes I have Rivers in fantasy.
NY Jets v. Baltimore
If the Jets didn’t get that dirty win in Dallas to start the season would anyone have any confidence in them right now? Like at all? They are playing terrible right now, and yes I know they start to win ball games later in the season like San Diego, but they look brutal right now and if they dig this hole any deeper I don’t know how they expect to climb out, especially in the AFC were a lot of teams are on the upward trend from last year. Baltimore continues to look sharp although their week 2 loss is awkwardly haunting.
Indy at Tampa
I sooooooo wanted to take Indy against the spread this week but didn’t have the nerve at the last second. Indy was doing everything they could to lose despite some surprisingly solid plays by Pierre Garcon, and Tampa barely squeaked out a win at home. If I know two things they are this, no one should ever have confidence and Indy is winning this week against KC barring some miracle or drastic give away by Indy.
