Philly v. Buffalo ( 24 v. 31)
And the Eagles epic failures continue as Michael Vick seems determined to become the first NFL QB ever to throw 10 picks in a game. Not only that but Andy Reid seems determined to be the first NFL coach ever to use up all his challenges in the first 14 seconds of a game. In sum, this was not only a poor showing by the Eagles, it was an across the board terrible performance, from the Offensive line, to the QB play, to the Play in the secondary (apparently Nmandi Asomugha has joined Chris Johnson in witness protection), to the run game, to coaching, to everything . It was a truly horrendous performance by the Eagles and with the possible exception of Vince Young lifting and throwing Andy Reid into the crowd well pronouncing that he only wins for himself with Brigiette Neilson cheering him on or Ronnie Brown throwing his jockstrap (with his nuts still inside) on the goal-line I cannot envision a worse scenario. And while I am not still sold on Buffalo and their ability to consistently beat good teams (Baltimore, New Orleans, Green Bay etc.), they will probably get into the playoffs as a wildcard, while the Eagles at 1-4 playing in the best division in all of professional sports with every other team at .500 or better I cannot see them getting in this year.
KC v. Indy (28 v. 24)
Yes, after getting beat badly, losing questionably and losing a ton of key playmakers on both sides of the ball, KC gets back-to-back probably for the last time until 2022. As for Colts fans, I don’t know what everyone is talking about, this losing streak is the best thing that could happen to this team. Look I am a huge Peyton Manning fan and still think that the MVP award should be retroactively awarded to Manning every year he did not win it in the last 15 years (because we are obviously seeing the consequences of a sans-Manning Colts squad), but with the kind of mysterious and mysteriously hard to cure ailment he has, which is extremely career threatening, we might have already seen the best from Manning and probably the last of him. Why is this good for the Colts? Well obviously unless you are sporting a vagina and/or are not into sports you know that Andrew Luck is coming out this year, and he is probably the most highly regarded and talked NFL QB prospect in a long while. It should not just be “Suck for Luck”, but “Suck like a Dyson Vac for Luck”….especially with the weak QB prospects surrounding the NFL (there is a reason why Tavaris Jackson currently starts on an NFL team).
Arizona v. Minny ( 10v. 34)
I will admit I had this wrong, and actually bet that the Cardinals after a close and hard fought battle against the NFC leading Giants would actually cowboy up and take out their frustrations against the hapless and winless Vikings who currently sport as their head coach, the worst head coach in all of football. Well, needless to say I was wrong, as the Cardinals proved that they are indeed the undisputedly the most terribly unreliable team in all of the NFL and that they shouldn’t be counted on for anything because they can fuck up a cup of coffee like no one else. Jared Allen and Adrian Peterson, strapped their team on their backs and had this team beat within 15 minutes of this game.
Tennessee v. Pittsburgh (17 v. 38)
Classic overrated team versus underrated team with sexy results. Or at least results that should be expected. The Titans formula for success seems tough enough as it is with a new coach, new and perhaps over the hill QB, lose of their start WR for the season, without Chris Johnson occasionally checking in from witness protection to offer his team 2.88 years per carry on the ground. Pittsburgh needed a win like no other team in the NFL save maybe the Eagles, but the difference is that they execute on offensive, defense and special teams to make sure that unlike the Eagles, they were going to get it.
New Orleans v. Carolina (30 v. 27)
Carolina must be the only team in the history of the NFL where losing at home is not only consistent and accepted, but impressive as well. Why? Well Cam Newton of course. Like I said last week I said that I will give Cam Newton until next season to start getting wins before I criticize him for the lack their off, so other then that there were some solid flashes of brilliance and impressive plays from scrimmage so good on him. Hopefully these flashy, eye grabbing and ultra-athletic plays by Newton translate into some solid and momentum building wins in coming seasons. New Orleans again look great for their part, but this team is going to have to learn how to play defense at some point.
Cincy v. Jax (30 v. 20)
The Bengals who were supposed to be as terrible as the Jags found out two things on Sunday. The first is that they are better than most people expected (especially with Andy Dalton’s quite, but surprisingly efficient play) and second that the Jags really are as terrible as they look and are in fact much worse. Who would have thought cutting your franchise QB hours before the season is set to kick off, having a coach who appears to have been unfrozen along with Brendan Frasier in Encino Man and no other real playmakers on either side of the ball other then MJD, would have a season this bad. WAIT EVERYONE KNEW THAT!!!??!!!!!!
OAK v. HOUSTON (25-20)
OAK was able to capitalize on a Houston team that was without its best player (Andre Johnson) and ride a wave of emotion with the passing of their owner into an impressive road win. What does it mean in the long run? Well that the Raiders having all the forces with them can win, but barely or that Houston is a actually a decent team, will probably still win the AFC South and that if they had Johnson and/or Matt Shaub would not have thrown that terrible pick in the endzone to end the game, that they would have still easily won this game. Good news for the Raiders short term. Good news for Houston long term. Although they still have a long way to go before I take them out of my all hype up club with its perennial members KC, Houston and Atlanta and its new junior members Buffalo, Detroit and San Fran.
Tampa Bay v. San Fran (3 v. 48)
Speaking of the all hype-up club, San Fran screammmms for full membership in this tilt after they pound the travelling bucks at home like they committed a crime (other than being charter members of the all-hype up club). Will they get full membership? Well everyone in the media seems to be on their jock, they have not beaten a real contender, and there is already talk of dynasty after 5 weeks, so all the elements are there, let us see what happens.
San Diego v. Denver (29 v. 24)
San Diego continues its winning ways by climbing its record to 4-1 but does so with most unimpressive and uninspired way and play possible. How is San Diego 4-1, I have no idea because they do not look that great and Rivers looks as terrible as I think I have ever seen him (WHICH IS TERRIBLE BECAUSE HE IS MY STARTING QB IN FANTASY). Hopefully, Antonio Gates will come back and decided to play solid football again, because when he’s in the team looks crisp, they move the ball well and score at will. Without home they looked confused, their offensive stalls and looks lackluster at best and they squeak out games against teams like the Broncos that they would ordinarily throttle. Yes they are 4-1, but they are the worse 4-1 team I think I have ever seen.
NY Jets v. New England (21 v. 30)
Another big loss by the Jets which has some long-time Jets players and associates (namely Joe Namath and Bill Parcells) clammering that maybe Mark Sanchez isn’t the guy who should be under Center for the Jets right now. With all due respect to these guys, I think Sanchez is the guy and has proven that he comes to play when it matters most, which is late in the season. Unfortunately for the Jets they might not even get the chance to play games that matter late if they keep putting up these terrible performances but the one silver lining (if you can call it that) is that at least they didn’t get totally blown out by New England (like they did in their previous games) and were somehow able to keep its explosive offense to only beating them by 9. Maybe it’s a because I bet on this game and managed to bet the Patriots by 7.5 instead of the standard ten that went around which is why I am able to see this as a positive. The Jets need to find their running game stat and need to get their defense together stat 2.
Green Bay v. Atlanta (25 v. 14)
Atlanta continues on its downward spiral as it got beat down by the Packers at home in a game they should have been much more prepared for. After Green Bay whooped this team in the playoffs last year as the 6th side, you would have thought the Falcons would have shown more grit and tried much harder to exact some revenge and remain in the NFC conversation. Neither appears to have happened. With this beating. I have watched Julio Jones for 5 games now and think he should change his name to ‘Who-lio Jones?”, which is my second favorite NFL nickname after “No-Show Moreno”.
Chicago v. Detroit (24-13)
Well the Calvin Johnson show continues and he continues to look like a superstar among boys (yes the disparity is that glaring). Watching Calvin Johnson I wonder that despite his all-star play for a number of years now, where has this supernatural play of late coming from. The only somewhat comparison I can make to this scenario is when Hot Rod (a super solid transformer) grabbed the Matrix of leadership off Galvatron’s neck, opened it and became Rodimus Prime. Hmm Given that Calvin Johnson is Megatron (Galvatron’s Predecessor and former self) this analogy could be somewhat apt. Although not really. They are both Transformer related though so I’m sticking with it. Tired of Transformer analogies? Well too bad because Detroit’s defensive front is totally the Constructicons (sp?) and working together they are devastating like no other and hence they are the NFL’s version of Devestator. Yes my mind is that warped.
As for the Bears well despite the Henny Penney’s and all the rest who are predicting the demise for this team there are some bright spots and I don’t think this team is nearly as bad as most people think. Don’t get me wrong, unless they fix their problems on the offensive line they will be questionable at best against any decent team they face all season, but should they fix that they could maybe make a run at the wildcard, although two teams from the NFC East are probably taking those spots so who knows. So while they have some issues, at -3 they seem to have a great shot at taking out the Vikings at home, and that is smooth Sammy’s pick of the week.
