NY JETS v. Denver (13-17)
Well it looks like Jesus is a football fan, that or Mark Sanchez is an unreliable-playoffs only (if and when they get there) QB. For whatever reason I tend to believe the latter, given that Mark Sanchez looks brutal this season and the way he was throwing the ball Thursday night would make my little sister jealous (N.B. I don’t have a sister). But seriously I hate to go against the pro-Tebow, religious fanatics who are all about this guy, but things have a way of starting hot, and then ending badly in Denver. Does anyone remember Josh McDaniels? Brandon Marshall?? Jay Cutler??? My advice on this whole Tebow thing is to take a book from the page of Parcells and put away the anointing oils until he has played at least 24 games, that or gets his completion percentage above 58%.
On a final note I would just like to say that I throw up in my mouth a little bit every time I think about the the way the religiousness of Tebow is being played out for hype and profit. The man’s religion and beliefs make him no more a better QB then the next, so I think his faith needs to stop being pimped. When Thursday Night Football closed with him on his knees in a prayer circle I threw up in my mouth a lot.
Jacksonville v. Cleveland (10-14)
Yes, thank you Jacksonville for not being able to score from the goaline in 4 tries. Your pathetic play won me 25 bucks. And thank you Peyton Hillis for showing all of us that vaginal rejuvenation surgery is a slow and painful process.
Carolina v. Detroit (35-49)
Alright Cam Newton you are officially starting to piss me off. Not only is your over-hype machine almost as bad as Tebow’s (at least he wins), but you insist on doing the superman every time you score a touchdown despite the fact that you find new and creative ways to blow games every week???!? Please take a lesson from Nate Burleson (and his fantastic TD celebration) and zip up that shirt until your team is above .500. Andy Dalton is far and away the rookie of the year this year, because unlike Newton throwing interceptions is not his Kryptonite. And you’re not even close to being Superman Newton, win three games in a row and then talk…ok there’s my snap ‘n rant of the day.
Tampa Bay v. Green Bay (26-35)
Green Bay won a squeaker here as Tampa Bay (predictably) collapsed at the end of a big game. Although I would put the closeness of this game (if a 9 point differential is close) more on Green Bay playing sub-par (for them at least), then TB playing well. Big game against Detroit coming up this week, but I suspect they win another close one.
Buffalo v. Miami (8-35)
I guess the Vegas bookies knew something I didn’t because everything pointed to a huge Buffalo loss in this one. Well everything except the fact that Ryan Fitzpatrick just got paid, and in the era of just-got-paid-itis, I guess this downturn in performance was to be expected (what it do Chris Johnson, Albert Haynesworth, Rashard Lewis, Jamarcus Russell, Roy Williams etc.). But to get thrashed this badly again, wow they must have been paying Fitz in Hope Diamonds. Miami plays Dallas in a big game on Thursday and I don’t know what to expect from the refuse-to-die-Zombie-coach Tony Sparano, but Dallas has been playing well and has the playmaker edge (with Miami having none except Yeremiah Bell on Defense), so I would have to give the nod to the Cowboys.
Oakland v. Minnesota (27-21)
Carson Palmer and the Raiders get a second straight win as they beat down the Vikings. Don’t be fooled by the score, this one was over quickly (and at -1 only I hope those of you who bet on the Raiders were happy). More bad news for the Vikings? They lost Adrian Peterson for perhaps the next month. Toby Gerhart you got the juice now.
Dallas v. Washington (27-24 OT)
This one had all the makings of a classic Dallas loss, riding a wave coming-in, had your fans excited again, your pass defense was solid for the last couple weeks, meaning a fall was to be expected on the horizon, you were the favorite…but no, Dallas refused to lose and won a much need game to pull them into the top spot in the NFC East. I was happy as a Cowboys fan, but if Gano’s 52 yard kick had been a little more to the right, the story would have been very different…or the same, I don’t know, but the Cowboys would have lost a game they should have won. Matt McBriar I put the closeness of this game on you, punting is supposed to be one of this team’s best traits, so step your game up playa.
Cincinnati v. Baltimore (24-31)
Predictable win for the Ravens even without Ray Lewis. Look I believe that Andy Dalton is an incredible talent, but until they win a game against a real opponent they will always be atop the list of pretender teams for me, well them and Atlanta.
Seattle v. St.Louis (24-7)
Wow, way to blow a winnable game at home St. Louis. In case you didn’t hear the Colts won the suck for Luck sweepstakes 3 weeks ago.
Arizona v. San Fran (7-23)
Fahhhhhhhhhh-Q why didn’t I bet this game. I must have totally overlooked it when I was going over the week 11 spreads. At home v.Arizona and their out of nowhere QB with no running game and even less defense???!????? I demand a full investigation into how I missed it because this was a cash cow waiting to get drained.
Tennessee v. Atlanta (16-23)
Exactly as predicted. Well at least according to Vegas given that the line on this one was -6.
San Diego v. Chicago (20-31)
Didn’t I tell you that Phillip Rivers and the Chargers looked terrible this season????????????? Didn’t I tell you this at 4-1???????????????? Look I might not know a lot of things but I know fantasy football, and when I have a player and he looks terrible I know that team is doomed (if he’s their key guy). So even when Rivers had the Chargers at 4-1 I knew it was only a matter of time before this team Enron-ed (hey look new word), and collapsed the hopes of their fans and the season. If this team misses the playoffs look for Norv Turner to join Jim Caldwell and Leslie Frazier on the employment line by the end of the season. Speaking of certainties, you can be sure that with Cutler being down and out in Beverly Hills with that thumb injury and gone for the season (most likely) that Bears will be hat in hand on Kyle Orton’s doorstep. He’s going to one of the Bears, KC or Houston…believe that.
Philly v. Giants (17-10)
Without Michael Vick, Jeremy Maclin and a good humoured Desean Jackson the Eagles managed to gut out a win against the Giants. Is this game surprising? Well yes and no. Yes because the Eagles were able to win without all those aforementioned factors, but no because the Giants have a (recent) history of blowing games later in the season despite their hot start. Here’s hoping my beloved Cowboys can cash in on said history and gut out the NFC East crown.
KC v. New England (3-34)
NO. SURPRISES. HERE. Anybody who bet on KC, to quote my favorite (albeit somewhat unfunny) cat Garfield, should be dragged into the street and shot (seriously how was this a catchphrase for children’s programming???).
Speaking of Garfield and his fantastic holiday specials of which I am reminded, HAPPY THANKSGIVING AND HOLIDAY SEASON TO ALL
PICKS
Bronze- Green Bay over Detroit (-6)- the spread’s a little higher than I thought after a somewhat luckluster performance against the Bucs, but GB should still cover
Silver- Dallas over Miami (-7)-If this turns into a high scoring game I don’t know where Miami gets the points from, unless its on defense.
Gold-New England over Philly (-3)- I have no idea how this spread is only at-3 even if Philly is at home and off a big win, but the Patriots should win this won and cover the spread too.
