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I hate fantasy football and week 15 of the NFL. Almost every year I have a dominant team in fantasy, and they collapse for whatever like clock work around this time of the year. Fuck I hate it. And of course this year was no exception. Leading the league at 11-2 and coming in after the bye my team, who despite losing Demarco Murray, was still poised to take it all. What happened? Well it was a shitty blur with Kevin Smith (Murray’s replacement), Mason Crosby, Wes Welker, Jared Allen, Ed Reed and DeMarcus Ware (only played a half) shitting the bed. PURE SMACK. Furthermore Philip Rivers who had a decent day, decided to allow his backs do all the scoring for him in the Chargers blow-out of the Ravens.

Anyway, I still do think I assemebled the greatest fantasy football team ever asembled via a draft auction. But only the annals of Yahoo lore wil ever know its true greatness (whatever that means). A final shout out to my entire team, and then lets never speak of them again

QB – Phillip Rivers

WR1- Dez Bryant

WR2- Vincent Jackson

WR3-Wes Welker

RB1- Peyton Hillis (F U Hillis, I hope the yeast infection that kept you out all swells up and explodes)

RB2-Ahmad Bradhaw then Javid Best(for no games) and then Kevin Smith

TE-Jason Whitten and then Jimmy Graham

BENCH1- Regggie Wayne (thanks for turning it on so late Wayne, ass)

Bench2- Modarty Hardesty (sp?)

Bench 3-Toby Gerhart(why oh why were you on the Bench for week 15, oh ya because that vag stain Adrian Peterson decide to come back in a meaningless game when you’re team is 2-12)

Bench 4- Kelland Williams

Bench 5- So random RB scrub

K- Mason Crosby (where were you last week??????????/)

D1- DeMarcus Ware (solid absence the last three weeks)

D2-D’Qwell Jackson (my team’s MVP)

DB- Ed Reed (solid year of doing nothing, I look forward to next season when you light it up and I still refuse to take you off the wavier wire out of spite)

DL- Jared Alled (your one week off couldn’t have come at a worse time.

Alas I will be back to playing fantasy football last year, as I do very well in it (3 regular season titles in 6 years, at least a top 4 finsih every year in either standing or pts (if not both) and I do have one grand championship (reg season and playoffs) which I got in my first yar (you could say I am the Phil Helmuth of fantasy football). So until next year fantasy its been real..and I hate you..but I love you…

Ok enough BS rambling, onto what you came for. Since I am doing no review this year, I am giving some bonus picks. I will only be standing by my Gold, Silver and Bronze Picks (this week they will be holiday editioned) and the rest you should follow at your own risk. AGAIN THESE PICKS ARE FOR ENTERTANIMENT PURPOSES ONLY!!! GAME RESPONSIBLY!!

Gold Pick- Philly +3 over Dallas (I have no idea how Dallas is even a favorite in this one. I love the Cowboys to death, but this is a game they are primed to lose).

Frankense Pick- Bucs +9 over Carolina (I know Tampa has under performed all year, and as a hype up team they will do that, but give me a break +9 to the Panthers?? Make money is what this pick is screaming).

Muir Pick-Oakland +1 over KC (big loss by the Raiders last week and too big of a win by KC. I like Romeo, but his team is not winning 2 in a row like this).

Bonus Picks..

Minny +6 over Washington

Broncos -1.5 over Buffalo

Arizona +4 over Bengals

Browns +12.5 over Baltimore (iffy on this one)

Jets-3 over Giannts.

Good luck and have a fantastic holiday season.

Ok so I just completed my fantasy basketball draft (let us never again speak of fantasy football, finishing first in the regular season when you play a one game eliminator tourney. BRING ON THE BCS) and am now posting online the analysis I conducted for it.

The first part consists of the top five 65 players in terms of scoring and if you are a rotiserie buff I have list all the relevant categories on my own given that no source has a complete list (a couple of players are out of order, especially Chris Paul,  and the +/- indicate either an increase or decrease expceted for this year or last year). The next section is my sleepers/ guys not to forget section and the last section is my personal fantasy rankings.

Good luck.

Top Twenty Six Guys to Not Forget (in no particular order)

Derrick Favors

Rip Hamilton

Kyrie Irving

Baron Davis (out 8-10 weeks)

Gilbert Arenas

Rashard Lewis (if he has anything left)

Tayshawn Prince

Mehmet Okur

Jrue Holiday

Vince Carter (only if he has anything left in the tank and because he’s in a new situation)

J.J. Hickson (giving him one more chance)

D.J. Augustin

John Salmons (also getting one more chance)

Iman Shumpert

JaJuan Johnson

Ricky Rubio

Kemba Walker

Michael Redd’s ghost

Channing Frye

Marcin Gorat

Andrew Bynum

DeAndre Jordon

Kyle Lowry

Greg Monroe

James Harden

Tyson Chandler

Nicholas Batum

AI2

Your Rankings (MY YAHOO RANKINGS)

• 1. Kevin Durant
• 2. LeBron James
• 3. Kevin Love
• 4. Chris Paul
• 5. Dwyane Wade
• 6. Derrick Rose
• 7. Pau Gasol
• 8. Dirk Nowitzki
• 9. Stephen Curry
• 10. Russell Westbrook
• 11. Amar’e Stoudemire
• 12. Deron Williams
• 13. Carmelo Anthony
• 14. Al Jefferson
• 15. Monta Ellis
• 16. Al Horford
• 17. Kobe Bryant
• 18. LaMarcus Aldridge
• 19. Rudy Gay
• 20. Blake Griffin
• 21. Eric Gordon
• 22. Paul Pierce
• 23. Danny Granger
• 24. David Lee
• 25. Josh Smith
• 26. Gerald Wallace
• 27. Steve Nash
• 28. Brook Lopez
• 29. Rajon Rondo
• 30. Manu Ginobili
• 31. Chris Bosh
• 32. Zach Randolph
• 33. Kevin Martin
• 34. David West
• 35. Joe Johnson
• 36. Paul Millsap
• 37. Ray Allen
• 38. Nene Hilario
• 39. John Wall
• 40. Luis Scola
• 41. Luol Deng
• 42. Elton Brand
• 43. Dorell Wright
• 44. Ty Lawson
• 45. Andre Iguodala
• 46. Kevin Garnett
• 47. Marc Gasol
• 48. Andrea Bargnani
• 49. Chauncey Billups
• 50. Tyreke Evans
• 51. Carlos Boozer
• 52. Tony Parker
• 53. Tim Duncan
• 54. Lamar Odom
• 55. Kyrie Irving
• 56. Jason Kidd
• 57. Kyle Lowry
• 58. DeMar DeRozan
• 59. Andrew Bogut
• 60. Darren Collison
• 61. Danilo Gallinari
• 62. Mike Conley
• 63. Roy Hibbert
• 64. Stephen Jackson
• 65. Jason Terry
• 66. Jrue Holiday
• 67. Andrew Bynum
• 68. Caron Butler
• 69. Jason Richardson
• 70. James Harden

Exclude Rankings ( I DON’T LIKE DWIGHT HOWARD)

• Dwight Howard

Ok so between work, law school and smack together in general I don’t have time to do a detail column this week. You can relax however gambling fans/addicts I will still post my picks which have been red hot of late at 7-1 over the last two weeks, so hopefully we can keep that going (knock-wood, fingers crossed, wishing on stars etc.) To the review:

Cleveland v.  Pittsburgh (3-14)

Zzzzzzzzzzzz x 1000000000000000000000

Houston v. Cincy (20-19)

Wow I totally thought Houston was done in this one after they fell behind. Solid comeback by 3^rd stringer T.J. Yates and solid poise all the way around. Its funny with all the talk of Newton, Dalton, Tebow how Yates has gone under the radar. Even more shocking is how terrible head coach Wade Phillips was turned around an NFL team taking his team from 30^th to 1^st in the league in defense. Granted he is only a defensive coordinator in Houston, but where was this defensive guru in Dallas the last 3 years???

Minny v. Detroit (28-34)

Solid win by the Lions last Sunday. Well actually it wasn’t as the Lions got off to hot start and had the Vikings down and out in Beverly Hills, but then Webb came into the game to spell the hapless ponder and the Vikings totally turned the game around. In fact the Vikings had first and goal from inside the 5  which meaning they could have four shots into the end-zone. And even though there was only a few seconds left on the clock this was almost a guaranteed win except for the fact that Minny and its fans didn’t count on the referees being more blind then Mr. Magoo and totally blew the blatant face-mask which cost the Vikings the game as the snapping of Webb’s head caused him to fumble the ball. Dirty play by the Lions, but I guess with Suh out of the game the refs didn’t suspect anyone could do anything that dirty. Oh well the season was already over for the Vikings, but still, Dirty City; population- Lions.

Saints v. Tennesse (22-17)

Pretty predictable although the sudden solid play of Chris Johnson was a shocker. I guess he finished counting all his money and decided to start playing.

Philly v. Miami (26-10)

Are you aware that the Eagles are still mathematically still in the playoff hunt?? How is this possible?? Oh ya the Cowboys and Giants are stinky as hell, I guess I forgot. But alas yes with three games remaining the Eagles are still in it, and an 8-8 tie by all three teams would actually mean that they would NFC East by virtue of the tie-breaks!! Again how are they still in it? Like I get it but I don’t.

KC v. Jets (10-37)

I don’t know why everyone was so quick to write off the Sanchez and the Jets. Yes their play has been up and down all season, but this is what they do and have done it for the last three seasons. They come on late, squeeze into the playoffs and then play lights out until the Conference Finals. The only thing more predictable is that Adam Sandler’s next movie will be terrible (and sadly that it will somehow make money…what an age we live in).

NE v. Washington (34-27)

I loved Tom Brady and his offensive coordinator going at on the sideline after the Brady pick in the endzone. Just one question though, who does that coordinator think he is?? Brady has won three Superbowls and should have won 2 more, so again who does that clown thing he is. With Brady’s clout in Boston I was surprised the guy still had a job after this game. So to this coordinator I would say get off Brady’s jock, you don’t shit where you eat and you definitely don’t bite the hand that feeds you. Ass.

Atlanta v. Carolina (31-23)

Yes, solid comeback for the Falcons. I know I hate the Falcons but that win showed me two things. One, that I was smart to bet against Newton and two, that winning games late appears to be Newton’s kryptonite. Once more I cannot underscore the fact that Newton needs to keep his pretend shirt closed until he closes out a game or wins two in a row. Dumbass (k I’ll stop, that 70’s show was making the rotation on TV-tropolis).

Tampa v. Jax (14-41)

Ouch. Tampa you suck. Hopefully Tampa keeps these stinky performances going against the Cowboys this weekend.

Indy v. Baltimore (10-24)

Indy that meaningless touchdown at the end of the game to close out the game was solid. And to quote Beast-mode (Marshawn Lynch), “it don’t get no better than solid.” Indy has covered two spreads two weeks in a row, too bad for them the spread will never be over 1 at any point for the remainder of the season. Don’t worry Colts fans, the Andrew Luck era is only a few months away, make sure to have Peyton Manning’s bags packed.

Chicago v. Denver (10-13)

Wow, Tebow really is the anti-Lebron James because the man cannot miss in the 4^th quarter. I am not a fan of the man’s skills and still believe his bubble is close to bursting, but what a ride.

San Fran v. Arizona (19-21)

Whoa where did this come from? My guess is that ‘Zona still had some of that mojo going for it from the Cowboys game the week before. Bah, that game still stings, bah I hate you Cards.

Oakland v. Green Bay (16-46)

Yes I know the Raiders were playing in Lambeau and the Packers are undefeated and the defending champs, but for an alleged playoff contender this loss stinks.

Buffalo v. San Diego (10-31)

I don’t wanna jinx Philip Rives so I while refrain from commenting on this game, especially since this the fantasy playoffs. Lets keep it going Rivers.

Giants v. Dallas (37-34)

Ok so if Dallas had any heart left in them from that Cards game, the Giants ripped it out, stomped on it and stuck it in a juicer and then fucked it in the ass. Oh ya and then they broke its ankle. Ok well I don’t know about all that, but they definitely broke the anke of Demarco Murray (my fantasy running back to boot) and essentially crippled this team for the rest of the season. Dallas is playing for its playoff life on Saturday night, and are favoured by 7 on the road. All of those things are red flags, if you are a Cowboys fan be afraid.

St. Louis v. Seattle (13-30)

Well if you thought that it was a shocker that Philly was still in the playoff hunt, hold on to your butts (what, Jurrasic Park has been making the rotation non-stop on AMC non-stop, what do you want from me?) because the Seahawks are still somehow in it. My guess is they miss it, but I am still puzzled beyond belief.

WEEK 15 PICKS

Ok I have to go to an ugly X-mas sweater party in 15 minutes. Here are the picks.

Gold-The Bucs (+7) over Dallas

Silver-The Lions (-1) over the Raiders

Bronze-The Seahawks (+3.5) over Bears

While the game is now over, for those of you wondering there was actually a typo in the picks section of my last entry.

The actually line in vegas was the Houston +3 and the Bengals -3. I took Houston at +3 and meant for you also to take Houston at +3 because the Bengals stink and there was no way there was no way they were beating the Texans even if the Texans were missing there entire 1st string offense (although they are getting pretty close to it). So my apologies for the confusion and I hope you cashed in like I did. Still don’t believe me??

Philly v. Seattle (14-31)

That loud thud you here is the sound of a million sports writers and talking heads crashing down to earth. After another terrible loss to a terrible team the Philadelphia Eagles are officially knocked out of the playoffs (well, not mathematically officially but for anyone with half a brain). After being pegged as the new NFL superteam and being expected to breeze through the entire league and onto that Superbowl presentation podium the Eagles are in a fight just to make it to .500. And while the talking heads and media fats cats are often wrong, why were they so epically wrong? Well I have said it for weeks now the team has more holes than a condom used on Jennifer Aniston. I don’t want to go over the entire list but the top 3 reasons are Vick (suffering an intense case of just got paid-itis), the lack of a true north south rusher (enough of these ballerina-rushers Philly, you have them every year and every year you come up short) and terrible coaching (seriously Andy Reid, the challenge flag is not a napkin, you don’t have to launch it with such conviction.

Can things turn around in Philly? Well the talent is there, but because of this year’s gargantuan and bulbous failure someone needs to be made the scapegoat. Someone needs to have the blame shifted on them and allow everyone to say that “now that Mr. X is gone, we can play, Mr. X was holding us back, it was all Mr. X, don’t look at us as a collective to be responsible, blame that no good Mr. X”. And of course ordinarily Mr. X is the coach, but in Philly every year Andy Reid somehow keeps his job despite disappointing season after disappointing season despite his squads being packed with talent. I don’t know what he has on the owner or if he’s gotten him hypnotized or if he has threatened to sit on him if he’s fired, but for whatever reason in the results based NFL Andy Reid still has a job. As such Reid will probably have a job next season as well, so look for some lowly defensive personnel or even defensive coordinator to get the can while Reid gets to call the plays from the sideline. So in short, as long as Mr. X gets the blame and everyone in Philly actually believes that it was there fault maybe things can turn around with a fresh start…that and if Reid’s brain can somehow be swapped with Bill Belichek’s.

Tennessee v. Buffalo (23-17)

What a terrible way to go out for the Bills after that incredible start. What has transpired in Buffalo is actually the worst thing that could have happened to this team because not only did they let their fans down after the highs they were on, but they committed big money to Ryan Fitzpatrick who promptly began to stink after getting said pay day, Fred Jackson who was promised big money is on the IR (I really wonder if they will pay Jackson now after all, and I also wonder why the media is not covering this angle to see if the Bills openly welch on their commitment to Jackson, and they are probably stuck with a mid-range pick because of their hot start instead of a high one, and even a shot at Andrew Luck. The lesson if you live in Buffalo? Never try..or be a fan.

Kansas City v. Chicago (10-3)

Ouch. That’s the only way to describe what is going on in the Chi and if you are a Bears fan. Ouch. The Bears actually really strong this year, were getting great production in all three phases of the game (offense, defense and special teams) and had their best quarterback play in…well ever. And then it all came crashing down when he got hurt and in the last two games since the Bears have played worse than the Colts and Jags put together. On top of that they got dirtied in the Orton sweepstakes and have no lost Forte (who should not have even have been playing without a new deal the way the Bears were riding him) for at least the next 2-4 weeks. If the Bears even have a remote shot at the playoffs they have to find a way to gut out this week’s game. However, that they are going to Denver in the midst of Tebow-mania without a QB or a RB the odds of this are not high.

Oakland v. Miami (14-34)

Yes Raiders! Way to let down your fans by losing an important and winnable match-up versus the 4-8 Dolphins that would have put you into the driver’s seat in your division. Yes I know Miami is on somewhat of a resurgence of late (and after 0-7 anything is a resurgence), but this was to important a game for you to get stomped out in. For shame.

Denver v. Minny (35-32)

Yuck enough with the Tebow-mania. Yes I know he’s been winning ball games, but after 6 games anyone can look good, even Josh McDaniels (hmm where is he right now Broncos fans?). So while the Broncos have won some games against terrible opponents and are in a brutal division three things to please keep in mind;

1. Tebow has not even played 10 games yet, so please lets all take a lesson from Bill Parcells and put away the anointing oils for a while

2. Give some, if not all, of the credit to the Defense as they are playing out of this World and had they played this way two better QBs might still be in town (i.e. Jay Cutler and Kyle Orton)

3. John Fox is not a genius. I’m sorry but after reading hack writer Rick Reilly’s piece on “John Fox the Football Genius” I had to get that off my chest (you know after I cleaned up the vomit I had all over myself after stupidly reading another Rick Reilly Column). Fox is the same coach who went 2-14 last season with the Panthers, was fired, somehow promoted as coach of the Broncos and was then terrible for weeks with Orton until said Defense (see point 2) decided to play with some heart. John Fox is a genius the same way someone splits tens at Blackjack is a genius (i.e. retarded).

4. Wait until they play a good team. I have no idea how Denver has gotten 6 cream puffs teams in a row but even they are set to face a good team like the Bears, that team suffers some kind of devastating injury before they play (ie.Cutler, Forte)

Indy v. New England (24-31

I kicked myself in this one for not taking the points.+ 21.5 for the Colts are you kidding me?? And of course with ghost of Peyton Manning flying around Foxborough the Colts managed to keep it respectable by only losing by 7. Don’t make the same mistake this week against Baltimore, but more on that in the picks section.

Cinny v. Pittsburgh (7-35)

I don’t care what the Bengals inflated record says they are, because there was no way they were winning a game in Pittsburgh this late in the season. This Steelers win was as predictable as it gets.

Carolina v. Tampa Bay (38-19)

Good grief Tampa Bay you are terrible. Not only have you endured brutal losses on the road all season but now you are losing to terrible teams at home? Tampa Bay’s motto this year should be Good Grief, they should all dress in Charlie Brown shirts, and the holder should move the ball away anytime an extra point or field goal is attempted (not that you would see this very often anyway given Tampa’s brutal play).

Jets v. Washington (34-19)

The line was toooo juicy in this one for the Jets at -3. Not only did the Jets need this win badly, but the Skins stink. No QB?? No RB??? No playmakers at WR????? This Jets win was as predictable as Rick Reilly’s next lame-ass column (sorry to still be harping but I still cannot get over his blowing of John Fox).

Atlanta v. Houston (10-17)

Yes Atlanta is overrated and stupid, but for Houston to keep winning without there 1^st and 2^nd string Qbs is remarkable. I have no idea how Wade Phillips can be such a terrible head coach and yet such a fantastic Defensive Coordinator. Although the wise move by Houston, to not pursue Asomogha and instead go after 2 playmakers for the defensive backfield I am sure has something to do with it.

Baltimore v. Cleveland (24-10)

Ohhfff. Cleveland looked brutal in this one. Yes Peyton Hillis is back but except for that 52 yard passing play (in which he of course failed to score), he looked brutal. I am on my fantasy football bye this week (finished the year as the #1 seed, ya I brag) so I won’t mind another shaky performance against the Steelers this week, but Hillis better get something going and quick before the end of the season. Forget about the Browns Hillis what about me? What about meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee????

Green Bay v. NY Giants (38-35)

For the first time all season the Packers looked beatable, and there terrible secondary looked especially terrible. Even the best teams can fade at this point in the year (I remember the 2007 Patriots had this), so as strange as it sounds a loss might even be good for this squad because it will give them a wake up call and especially give their terrible secondary a wake-up call (I’m not even going to comment on their run game because that has been MIA since week …well ever). The Raiders come to town this week, and after a loss against the Dolphins will probably be back to playing competitive ball.

Dallas v. Arizona (13-19)

Yuck, as a Cowboys fan I don’t want to get into this game. But I will. I watched this game beginning to end and knew right from the opening kick-off that it was going to be a dark day. Everyone is talking about the kick that Bailey missed to win it in the fourth, but he also missed a relatively easy won in the first half. He makes that the lead is higher, Dallas has more confidence, things look worse for the Cardinals. But no, he blows it. That coupled with the moronic decision to abandon the run, the secondary’s continued brutal play, Demarcus Ware’s absence at the end of the game and of course Jason Garrett’s monumental moronic decision not to call timeout after Dez Bryant picked up the first down were all the Doomsday sign a Cowboys fan needed to know to know that this game was done. Dallas plays the Giants in an important game at home. You know what this means right Cowboys fans? Take the points and bet the Giants.

St. Louis v.San Fran (0-26)

Since the Rams did not show up to play this game I am not going to show up to write about this game.

Detroit v. New Orleans (17-31)

Although Detroit played with passion, it played with the wrong kind and their stupid penalties coupled with their other boneheaded mistakes and of course Suh’s absence are all factors which contributed to this loss. Other factors? Well how about the fact that the Lions are still far from a quality team that needs to be taken seriously. They are still in Atlanta’s class, i.e. the fake hype-ups.

San Diego v. Jacksonville (38-14)

FINALLY the Chargers wake up in a must-win game and show that they at least have a pulse left this season. More important then that, my fantasy QB Phillip Rivers woke up and showed he still has some game left in him. The Chargers are on a rough road to make the playoffs, but Chargers fans can take solace in one of two things, either they Make the Playoffs or Norv Turner is gone. Its win-win-win.

PICKS

Gold- Texans -3 over Bengals

Silver- Indy +16.5 over Baltimore

Bronze-Giants +3.5 over the Cowboys

BONUS-Atlanta +1.5 over Carolina

Green Bay v. Detroit (27-15)

A funny thing happened while watching the Thanksgiving Day edition of PTI. Micheal Wilbon in an attempt to justify his ludicrous salary over at ESPN (I don’t know what he makes, but whatever it is its too much) attempted to demonstrate his skills by calling upsets in not one, not two, but all three holiday games. Well after going 0-3 I guess we know why Wilbon is paid the big bucks, BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE RETARDED. In this case there was no way that barring some mammoth let down at QB, that Detroit who had been reeling for weeks was going to pull off this upset. If you are like me I hope you bet hard against the Lions (one of my last weeks’ picks) and cashed in big time. As for all the Suh drama, whatever, the two game suspensions sucks if you are a fan of his, but in the long run it might actually HELP his rep and results on the field by making opponents fearful of him and letting that fear swim in their domes to the point of bad decisions. Suh should never have requested that meeting with Roger Goodell because all it did was increase the chances he was going to get suspended (now and in the future) because he has no excuse what is acceptable and what isn’t.

Lastly, on the Suh front did anyone get a kick out of the way he talks? For someone who acts all big and bad he must have the whitest high pitched voice of any black athlete going. My top 5 white sounding black athletes of all time….

1. Suh
2. Randy Moss
3. Albert Haynesworth
4. Dwight Howard
5. Grant Hill

Miami at Dallas (19 v. 20)

Another loss for Wilbon pick-wise, and while it was also another loss for me, at least my loss was against the spread as I had the Cowboys winning all the way. What really bites about this loss is that had Romo not thrown those two picks early in the game, the Cowboys probably  would have covered. The good news if you are a Dolphins fan is that this team has shown a lot of punch lately, and if they had played this way all season they probably would have been in the wildcard hunt. I don’t if the team suddenly woke up one day and decided they all of a sudden loved Tony Sporano and decided to start playing homes games or if Serena promised to stop attending games but this team is pretty hot right now. And while Dallas looks great right now too (especially with a new found running game), the problems Dallas has in the secondary are only going to become more pronounced as they play tougher teams. This is a huge red flag for all Cowboys fans so be ready.

San Fran v. Baltimore (6 v. 16)

Baltimore continues to be the Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde of the NFL as they put away another quality team, and are thus certainly prepping to lose to another cupcake squad like the Seahawks. For the moment though Baltimore looked good even without Ray Lewis, and if they can continue to be dominant at Defensive Line, this team will be tough to beat in the playoffs. That is of course if St. Louis, Seattle, Buffalo or Jacksonville somehow get into the playoffs.

Minny v. Atlanta (14-24)

No big surprises here, mediocre team beats up on terrible team at their home. Minny showed some heart with Adrian Peterson, but Leslie Frazier’s terrible coaching (plays called and non-challenges) are proving that terrible coaching will always trump talent. Believe that.

Cleveland v. Cincy ( 20-23)

Wow was there a Peyton Hillis sighting in this one? Yes indeed there was, as Peyton Hillis seemed to have fully recovery from his hysterectomy and decided to join the rest of the NFL. Hillis didn’t look superb, but if you are a Hillis fantasy owner like me you are just happy that this sissy finally decided to put down his purse and play. He’s got a tough match up against Balitmore, but 50 yards and a TD would help a lot Hillis (although I have locked up 1^st place in fantasy regular season and basically have the next two weeks off). As for Andy Dalton and the Bengals, things look good. The Dalton to Green connection looks tremendous, the Bengals D is solid, Benson is running well and Marvin Lewis has managed to get this team turned around really quickly and in a really tough division.  Even more good news for the Bengals?? Dalton easily looks like the ROY.

Tampa v. Tennessee (17-23)

Didn’t I tell you the Bus were overrated? Didn’t I????????????????? I would trust Tony Parker in a room alone with my girl more then I would trust the Bucs. There is nothing other then Lagrette Blount that I like about this team and I would rather support a terrible team then a fake good but really terrible team like the Bucs because at least then your hopes aren’t dashed on the regular and you know where you stand (which is somewhere in the middle of the draft order every year).

Carolina v. Indy (27-19)

The spread was only at -3 for the Panthers, and if they had lost this game I would have flown down to Carolina, whipped out my cock and slapped Cam Newton with it. Seriously. I know I said I would give Newton a chance until next year, but if Vick 2.0 kept celebrating and pretending to be SuperMan when his team was 2-9 all bets would have been off….much like my belt. Indy Luck is all yours. Manning you had a great career but there’s nothing left for you, enjoy the booth or coaching.

Arizona v. St. Louis (23-20)

Yawn game, except for Patrick Peterson. Peterson is great, but I can’t believe some clowns are actually saying they would take him over Hester. Hester is the greatest special teams player of all time, Peterson has been in the league 5 minutes, so come on now.

Buffalo v. NY Jets (24-28)

The Bills lose a game despite the Jets doing everything possible to give it to them, which also has the added effect of ending their season as I don’t see them doing anything with this kind of effort (and Ryan Fitzpatrick contract which has turned into a massive roadblock given that Ryan Fitz has ceased to give a fuck). As for Stevie Johnson (a.k.a. T.O. 4.0, after Calvin Johnson and Brandon Marshall) the TD celebration was great and in response to your question did not cost you the game. It was your two brutal drops late in the game that cost you and the Bills the game. If it weren’t for Mercedes Lewis you would be holding the 1 and 2 spot for worst drop of the year. You still have number two locked up though so that’s something.

Houston v. Jacksonville (20-13)

Solid win by Houston who overcame a third string QB to win the game. I don’t know, did Matt Leinhert break Bob Sanders’ record for quickest starter to go on the IR?? He didn’t??? I want to see proof. As for the Jags, what did they think was going to happen? You don’t sign any marquee free agents especially at WR, you live wayyyyy under the Cap, you ride your RB into the ground, and you cut your starting QB 5 days before the start of the season (and have done this twice now)??? Are you really surprised?? If you are you’re retarded. Anyway terrible management and a terrible organization, enjoy L.A.

Oakland v. Chicago (20-25)

Ouch, it really sucks now if you are a Bears fan because the new guy at QB looks terrible. I don’t even want to learn his name because he will be gone in a matter of weeks so I don’t want to burn the brain cells. Culter is out for 3-10 weeks, and if you are a Bears fan I suggest you light a candle, go stand outside Solider field and pray that he comes back on the shorter end of that spectrum . As for the Palmer haters, where are they now? Why were people so quick to hate on Palmer when he was a probowl QB playing in a terrible situation with the Bengals. I have always said its worth giving up a first rounder to get a franchise guy and Palmer’s only knock is that he’s a little old. Other than that, gimmie a franchise player for a draft pick any day.

Washington v. Seattle (23-17)

Did Washington just win in Seattle? Did Washington just win on the road??? Did Washington just win?????!?? Holy Shit when did that happened? But yes its true after 6 brutal losses in a row the Skins rode Roy Helu (fuck I drafted this kid and regret cutting him now) to victory. Despite Shannahan’s terrible coaching sans-Elway, Helu looks like a star.

New England v. Philly (38-20)

How was the spread in this only -3 for the Patriots??? I don’t care that this game was being played in Philly (hell I don’t care if this game was being played on Mars), there was no way this Pats team was losing to Philly team playing without Vick, without Maclin and without Desean jackson’s heart. Philly is going to be blown up like those hotels at the end of Casino and the first bomb is going off in the coach’s office. Believe that.

Denver v. San Diego (16-13)

I have no idea what’s going on, I really don’t. Either Tebow is the luckiest guy who ever lived or the All Mighty is a football fan. I am at a total loss, because even a no heart San Diego team should have been able to gut out a win at home against the Broncos. It looks like a race to the unemployment line for Norv Turner and Andy Reid, the good news for Turner is that it’s a race he probably wins. As for the rest of the Chargers I have no idea what’s going on and why they look this bad in all three phases of the game, but I do know that I TOLLLLLLLLLDDDDDD YOU!!!! I told you they looked brutal even at 4-1!!!! Something is wrong with this team!!!! I don’t know what it is but I tollllllldddddd you!!!!!!

Pittsburgh v. KC (13-9)

Well the clock is about to strike midnight on whatever clown is currently QBing the Chiefs because now that they have gotten Orton its all him. Not only that but if Orton does well, it means the Chiefs will probably be looking to shop around Matt Cassell and probably get at least a second round pick for him, which essentially means that KC got a better QB and a second round pick for the price of, on the house (i.e. for nothing). Who says the trade deadline shouldn’t be pushed back?? Although I am really tired of this Broncos nonsense and this feel bad for us sob story. Why in the World did you just release Orton? That was your own stupidity and a knee jerk reaction to make Tebow feel better after your own Gm trashed him by stating that he had next to no confidence in him. This chicken shit move is similar to the transparent scam the Redskins pulled last year when they attempted to coddle and placate their starting QB with some phony B.S. (in the Redskins case it was that fake-ass 100 million dollar contract they had no intention of paying given that only 2 percent was guaranteed). I see through your B.S. NFL bigwigs, I see through it all. I hope this move comes back to bite you in the ass Broncos and Orton trounces you twice a year from now on due to your own stupidity. If you kept Orton you could have dealt him to some QB starved squad , gotten something in return and kept him out of your division.

Giants v. Saints (24 -49)

Absolute Bloodbath. I don’t care what the score says this game was nowhere near being close as the Saints had this game one early and were just toying with the G-men (that or the Saints play no defense, hmmmmm). The Giants are crumbling around the same time they do every year, and the NFC  East is now the Cowboys division to lose. PLEASE DON”T LOSE IT COWBOYS

WEEK 13 PICKS

GOLD – TENNESSEE (-1) OVER BUFFALO

SILVER- OAKLAND (+3) OVER MIAMI

BRONZE- DENVER  (+1) OVER MINNY