Ever watched a movie and thought to yourself, “this movie would be happened if this happened”, “how in the world, did the movie/screenwriter/director think they could get away with that”, or “what the hell, was this character thinking.” We all have right? Well I call these head-scratchers and movie notes Movie Musings, and in this first edition I present you 10 of my most profound (to date):
Enjoy, and beware the SPOILER ALERT!!!!
- LOOPER- Instead of the nice ending where the boy doesn’t witness his mom die, and thus doesn’t grow up to destroy the World, how about a darker one, where the World is destroyed. This is accomplished by the boy not being the one of two prospective child killers Bruce Willis’ character narrows down, but rather the other kid (the little girl) who watches her prostitute mom bite the big one in the sleazy motel floor. Having this ending in place, makes not only for much darker picture, but also aligns with the movie’s premise that the grand killer is pissed because they watched their mother die as a child.
- Jaws- Why do they keep going in the Water? I know there is no movie without it, but if you know there is a tyrannical monster in the Water, why do you keep going in? I hate this movie, if I am near any body of water I don’t go more than ten feet past the shoreline because of it.
- Inglorious Bastards, Dhjano Unchained, Kill Bill etc.- Why exactly Tarantino movies are so popular I will never know. I supposed they are decent in terms of production, but to me they are all mostly comprised of over-the-top violence and non-sensical speak.
- Spiderman 2- Hey Spiderman, why do you keep taking your mask off, aren’t you aware that everyone on the train now knows your identity and will dime you out at the drop of a hat for a) fame b) money c) to save their own skin.* Spiderman Bonus- in the first Spiderman in the Tobey MacGuire Series, why does Spiderman turn down a job from Norman Osbourne?? Parker you are dead broke, your aunt is sick as hell and dead broke and you were just received a lucrative job offer from your friend’s dad. 99.9% of people get their jobs based on people they know, welcome to the real World Spidey. Also he wasn’t giving him the job because he is a pal, Parker was the best student in class and thus he earned it, so get off your po’ high horse.
- The Amazing Spiderman- Building on my frustrations with the Spiderman movie franchise, not only does the Andrew Garfield Spiderman build on the Tobey Macguire one by revealing to the World who he is via his constant penchant to take his mask off, but he also commits several other atrocities along the way. Two of the biggest are certainly having a large role in unleashing the Lizard villain on the city and being the person most responsible for getting his girlfriend’s dad whack. One knowing the latter how does she stay with him? He must be amazing.
- Skyfall- What was the point of going out unarmed in the middle of nowhere alone with the old MI6 woman and leaving a trail of bread crumbs behind? Was the point to allow possibly the best M16 agent of all time an opportunity to assemble dozens of other men like him and come at you fully armed with two helicopters blasting your childhood home? Granted Bond does an admirable job fending them all off with only a tank of propane he did not know existed, but in the process he got the old lady whacked anyway. Job failed. As I have said before, Skyfall was a decent action movie, but a poor Bond movie.
- Doubt- zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
- The Devil Wears Prada- After Anne Hathaway and her boyfriend (easily one of Vinny Chase’s finest performances) break-up, Hathaway proceeds to given in and sleep with the sleazy guy (played by the Mentalist) who has been pursuing her the whole movie. Of course, the Mentalist Sleaze promptly reveals just how sleazy he is and Hathaway storms out of the room on some kind of moral high horse. Newsflash Queen Hathaway: HE STILL BANGED YOU!!!
- Life of Pi- If that creepy mystery island is truly poisonous at night, how can a full-sized fish be seen floating in the mystery island pond at night. For that to happen the island must be a fake and Pi a no good dirty murder.
- Flight- What type of movie was this exactly? Was it a Drama? Was it Suspense? Was it a Comedy? I don’t get it. The movie was so turbulent from one moment to the next that it seems like the plane sequence itself was a metaphor for the entire movie. Also there is no way after he lives his life like a sleazy then at that exact moment at the tribunal where he tells one more harmless lie (harmless because even if he was sober he does the job no one else can) and get millions of dollars (book-deals, endorsements, appearance fees etc.), all the booze he can drink, all the coke he can snort, and all the women he can handle for the rest of his life, that he chooses to tell the truth. Look I’m all for telling the truth, but a guy like that doesn’t pull that chivalry move. If he reforms, that’s great, but he doesn’t pick that moment.
