About three years ago I made some calls about the future in a piece called, “ Future Calls List Part 1”. After three years and a recent spell of heavy posts, perhaps it is time for a lighthearted look back. I am actually think I did very well but you can be the judge. I will try to post a part 2 in the future calls series shortly,
ENJOY..
Many of my readers have asked repeatedly for it, so here it is without delay. Obviously I doubt I will hit on all of them, but I heard as gambler you are doing well if you can hit at over 54%, I feel confident I will hit on at least 70% of the following…
Enjoy..AND PLEASE REMEMBER THAT THIS ENTRY IS CONSTRUED FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY!! IT IS MEANT TO BE HUMOURS AND A SATIRICAL TAKE ON PRESENT SOCIETY!!!
THINGS THAT WILL COME TO PASS AFTER JUNE 14, 2012
-Although I missed out on the initial Apple gravy train, Apple will hit $1000.00 dollars a share in the near future. With the iPhone 5 dropping soon, kids going back to school, Blackberry in turmoil, the launch of a new iPad things look gravy for Apple so buy ASAP and don’t be irked by the day-to-day swings. The next two quarters should be large for Apple.
ALMOST CORRECT: Despite the unscrupulous questionable tactics from several Wallstreet bears, Apple recovered from a mysterious drop of more than half its current value to set its highest share-price post (7-1) split of approximately $135/per share. That is good for a pre-split price of $945/share. Although that figure still represents a price of less than $1000/share, I have no doubt that barring any more nefarious tactics from the Wallstreet bears and dubious insiders that Apple will soon post a pre-split value of $1000/share.
-Buy up all the Liquor Stocks you can. I have watch the market for the last year and can tell you that one of the most resilient assets to hold or liquor stocks like Diego and Budweiser (DEO and BUD). Although the market is rollercoastering what do people need in good time and bad? ALCOHOL. Somebody will always be celebrating or drinking there sorrows away, either way you’re a winner.
CORRECT: This is a big correct as several liquor stocks have not only posted record highs but have also outpaced the S&P over the same period. For example, Budweiser has gone from $90/share since July of 2012 to over $125/share as of July of 2015. My entertainment advice? Continue to buy, because Liquor is a product consumed in both good times and bad, and thus barring some kind of contamination the future is bright.
-With the baby-boomers getting up there, the only safer bet then them watching the news 24/7 is them needing more pharmaceutical drugs. So be smart and grab some Pfizer, Johnson and Johnson and Proctor and Gamble while you can.
CORRECT: Correct, as these pharmaceutical stocks have done very well in the three years since I have posted. For example, over this period Johnson and Johnson has gone up over 30% in value with respect to its share price.
-If you can get Lionsgate stock (the film company) anywhere in the 11 dollar range buy it a shit load of it and hold it until the conclusion of this Hunger Games craze.
CORRECT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!: This is a massive correct and I am kicking myself for not taking more of my own advice on this. As of July 23rd 2015 Lionsgate’s share price sits at over 38 dollars a share, representing an increase of over 300%!!!!! Will this trend continue? Well the final Hunger Games chapter comes out later this year so one could continue to ride the wave until then, after that? Unknown.
-GOOGLE!! Now initially I had Google outperforming APPLE and reaching $1000.00 a share first, however a couple of things have since irked my confidence. Google’s odd proposed stock-split, its suspect diversification into things like self-driving cars (which could be a big hit, I know I will buy one), increased competition from Apple with respect to its navigation programs, increased competition from Yahoo with Yahoo’s picture based search engines and the increasingly difficult task of managing advertisements on mobile devices (a problem for Google since the majority of its revenue comes from ads), are all reasons to be weary of Google. None the less, in an information age where the internet is everything and Google (for the time being at least) is the internet, feel confident that Google will hit $800.00 a share at some point in the medium future. If you want to be smart wait for the proposed split and then buy it up like a biscuit in a bowl full of Gofer gravy.
CORRECT: Google’s post 2-1 share price as of July 23rd currently sits at $650/share giving it a pre-split value of $1350 well above my call of $800/share. Hope you bought.
-Lindsay Lohan’s death is on the horizon. I feel bad because the girl has talent, but way too many factors are working against her (i.e. jail, drug and alcohol abuse problems, bad parents, the press stalking her relentless, questionable finances, the shame of being relegated to do life time etc.) and so it is only a matter of time. I don’t know how what the ramifications are with respect to this latest Porsche crashing incident, but you can believe they won’t be good. Also, WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING STILL GETTING BEHIND THE WHEEL OF ANY MOTOR VEHICLE???? You have a fucking assistant, let that schmuck drive!!!
THANKFULLY INCORRECT: Not sure what I was thinking posting such a grizzly prediction but thankfully I was incorrect and I am happy to report that Lindsay Lohan is alive and well.
-Tila Tequila’s death is also on the horizon, probably a lot sooner then Lohan’s
THANKFULLY INCORRECT: Again, I am grateful this was incorrect and not sure what I was thinking posting this morbidity.
-Charlie Sheen will tragically die within the next 5 years.
THANKFULLY INCORRECT: Please see above.
-This will be a big year for Leonardo DiCaprio. Depending on how Gatsby goes he might win his long overdue Oscar this year.
CORRECT: Actually this is more of partially correct, Leo has continued a tremendous run on the silver screen despite the fact that he did not receive an award for Gatsby or Wolf of Wallstreet. The gold is still coming though Leo fans, hang in there.
-The film Rock of Ages will tank miserably.
CORRECT: The movie looked terrible from the get go, and I guess the majority of people felt the same way.
-The film That’s My Boy will do well enough that Adam Sandler will continue to be allowed to make movies. God I hate the movie industry.
CORRECT: Since July 2012 Adam Sandler has released a string of terrible movies, each more terrible than the last and somehow continues to make movies. While my hatred for the movie industry that lets him operate continues I was extremely pleased when the Sony leak revealed that even industry bigwigs where tiring of Sandler’s pathetic performances: http://gawker.com/leaked-asshole-adam-sandler-demanded-200-million-ca-1673559291
-The movie industry will wonder why receipts are down despite the fact that they have pumped out nothing but terrible un-funny comedies (see above), monotonous sequels and comic-franchise reboots.
CORRECT: Before the sudden box office explosion largely the result of Furious 7 and the Jurassic Park reboot, sequel, prequel or whatever it was articles like this http://variety.com/2015/film/news/box-office-drops-5-in-2014-whats-behind-the-fall-1201389634/ commenting on box office woes were getting pretty routine since mid-2012. Here’s an idea Hollywood how about something original instead of comic book movies reboot, sequel, prequels and the dreaded half-sequel (a term I have coined for movies greedy execs make into twos just to capitalize on short term dollars. Prominent examples include Harry Potters Deathly Hallows Part 1 and 2, Twilight’s two part conclusions that I am proud I do not know the names of, and the Hunger Games’ Mockingjay Part 1 and 2. Wait each of those movies made over $500 million?? I guess the short term dollars are pretty sweet, but still I swear it turns off fans in the long run).
-The flop of Jon Carter will only inspire movie studios to “stick to what works” and pump out the same old crap. GOD I HATE THE MOVIE INDUSTRY!!!!!!
CORRECT: Big flop by John Carter and its back to the Harry Potters Deathly Hallows Part 1 and 2, Twilight’s two part conclusions that I am proud I do not know the names of, and the Hunger Games’ Mockingjay Part 1 and 2 for studio execs.
-Taylor Lautner will come out as Gay
INCORRECT: Ok technically while this person has not come out yet, I still maintain they will. But gay or straight more power to everyone, I just want to know now.
-Jason Derullo will come out as Gay
INCORRECT: Please see above.
-Missy Elliot will come out as Gay/Lesbian
INCORRECT: Please see above.
-Hugh Jackman will continue to live as a straight man despite being Gay
UNKNOWN: Please see above.
-Rhianna and Chris Brown will get back together (if they are not already)
CORRECT: Look at who called this. Well anyone who was paying attention knew this was coming as it was obvious she was still in too him (wow, cannot believe I wrote that last sentence).
-If the Miami Heat lose another NBA final, Erik Spolestra will be fired quicker then you can say Pat Riley
INCORRECT: Although the Heat won two more titles, they did lose one more which caused James to head back to Cleveland but Spo still remains the head coach of what remains of the big three.
-If Miami loses again, expect at least one of the big three to be moved
CORRECT: The biggest of the biggest three left (something else I prominently called) and headed back to Cleveland.
-The only way the public forgives Lebron James and gets behind him again is if he somehow goes back to Cleveland
CORRECT: Wow, did I ever cash in on these last three calls, LeBron went home and everyone loves him again.
-Mike Brown will be fired as Lakers coach either after this season on next
CORRECT: Ok I feel bad taking credit for this one, it was just too obvious.
-Larry Brown has a good chance of replacing Mike Brown as Lakers coach
INCORRECT: Big swing and a miss here, not sure where I was coming from here.
-Phil Jackson will be named coach of the New York Knicks
INCORRECT: How close, he was named GM (why?) and the Knicks are still terrible (of course).
-Amar’e Stoudamire will not last 2 more seasons with the Knicks
CORRECT: Ok so technically incorrect, but I am counting this because after only another hald
-Mikel Pokarvovs (sp?) of the New Jersey/Brooklyn Nets will be a spectacular failure as the Russian will soon lose complete interest in the venture.
CORRECT: Not only have the Nets been a spectacular failure under Mr. Pokarov’s tenure, he has welched on his get married or win a title in 5 years vow and there is much speculation that he is also fed up and looking to sell his squad. Good times had by none in the Brooklyn area.
-The Bulls roster as is will never compete for a championship despite their regular season runs. Either Derrick Rose will continue to disappoint come playoff time or they will need an established big man who can work the paint (both offensively and defensively).
CORRECT: Derrick Rose has continued to disappoint (although more via injury then fizzling in the playoffs) and the Bulls have yet to even compete in an NBA Finals.
-Dwight Howard has (mercifully) played his last season in Orlando.
CORRECT: Wow, it is amazing to think that Howard was still on the Magic just three years ago. Since then not only did he spurn them, but he spurned the Lakers in high fashion. Spurn on Dwight.
-Peyton Manning’s tenure in Denver will be largely disappointing.
CORRECT: Although Manning garnered more then his fair share of hoopla and press in Denver people still believed he was a Championship QB. Like I have always said, when it comes to the playoffs Manning isn’t even the best Manning at Sunday dinner.
-The Jags will regret not landing Tim Tebow. Either that or it was there plan all along to get the hell out of Jacksonville.
CORRECT: I am not sure what the Jags are doing but winning in any way shape or form has been out of the question. At least had they signed Tebow they could have gotten the attendance dollars but who knows what they are doing down there in Jacksonville.
-Adrian Peterson will be finished as a running back within 2 seasons.
UNKNOWN: This is unknown because AP was suspended all of last year due to domestic violence issues. I guess the true test will come this year when he has claimed he will go for 2500 yards!
-Terrell Owens will die under tragic circumstances. Feel bad for the guy, he had tremendous talent but could never hold it in check under the medias’ bear-baiting to find and keep a home in the NFL.
INCORRECT: What was I thinking with these morbid predictions. Shame on me for sure.
-Robert Griffen 3 will be a spectacular failing in the NFL
CORRECT: Even in the height of RG3’s hype I never bought in because he is the typical “mobile” quarterback who thinks that his athletic ability from college will translate to the pros. Sorry RG3 the game is too fast and makes you prone to injury.
-The Patriots will beat the Tennesse Titans in Week 1. BET THE HOUSE ON IT
CORRECT: They are unstoppable to start the season especially if the lost the last game of the season before.
-The Dallas Cowboys will lose to the Giants in Week 1.
INCORRECT: The Cowboys actually beat the Giants and then went on to one of many 8-8 seasons.
-The Patriots winning after a loss and Dallas losing any big game it needs to win shall continue to be the safest bets in sports unless Dallas’ secondary has a miraculous shift. Claiborne might be the spark.
CORRECT: Please see above.
-Despite losing in week 1 Dallas will go on to have a good season.
INCORRECT: 8-8, good but not great. Actually not even good.
-The Toronto Maple Leafs sign Robert Luongo.
INCORRECT
-Wilmer Valderamma will continue to score with chicks way out of his league and only cement his status as this generation’s Scott Baio.
CORRECT!!!: Big Will continues to slay starlets and is currently shacked up with media darling Demi Lovato. Keep getting them checks Wilmer.
-Taylor Swift will finally get called out for her dubious relationships (see Taylor Lautner, John Mayer) and lose the fake victim status she accrued when Kanye West rushed the stage.
CORRECT: Ahhhhhhhhh and I love it! I saw through Taylor Swift the moment I saw her. She is like a Milk Dud, sweet on the outside, poison on the inside. It was only a matter of time before her true opportunistic persona came shining through and people started to dislike her and said phony persona.
-Taylor Swift will make an album about it that will sound the exact same as all of her albums and all of her songs.
CORRECT: Well apparently they do not dislike her that much as her latest album 1989 has sold millions of copies and is the biggest seller of 2014 and probably going to be for 2015 as well.
-The Miss World, Miss America, Miss Universe or whatever else pagents that are run by Donald Trump will either be exposed as frauds or the scandal will force Donald Trump to give up ownership. Trump will be sad as he will lose control of something he truly covets, a breeding ground for potential mistresses.
CORRECT: How sweet was this call, got it in right at the buzzer as the scorn people heaped on Donald Trump for his opinion of Mexican’s through his harem, whore-pit into complete disarray and off the major networks.
-The next big trend in music will be producing songs that were meant to sound like they belong in the 80s.
CORRECT: Lot of songs, some of the biggest continue to be heavily 80s inspired. Too many to name, too lazy to look up, but feel free to do so yourself.
-Bill Hader will be officially recognized at the funniest man alive (long overdue by the way).
INCORRECT: Although he is in the runaway hit Trainwreck with another of my more recent calls, Amy Schumer, he has not lived up to my hope or promise.
-Dark Knight Rises will be a massive hit, but will miss the mark set by Dark Knight.
CORRECT: While Worldwide Dark Knight Rises just beat Dark Knight, on the domestic side it was no contest. But I guess this could go either way.
-Megan Fox’s career is over.
CORRECT: Boy has it ever. That Turtles movie was torture for the senses and I have not seen or heard of her in anything else.
-Brooklyn Decker will come to her senses and leave perennial loser Andy Roddick.
INCORRECT: While Andy Roddick remains a perennial loser on the tennis court, or retired, he is an example to all of how to maximize one’s accomplishments. His one tennis major has provided him with more money, fame, and punching-over-weight encounters with more high-end women than if he was the one who cured Polio and landed that plane in the Hudson on the same day.
-The marriage of Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban will not last.
INCORRECT: Good for them, another ghoulish prediction that went nowhere. Although something tells me something might have been different if Jimmy Fallon had stepped his game up.
-Serena Williams will lose her standing as sports media darling and she will become the most disliked athlete in professional sports.
SEMI-CORRECT: This was well on its way to coming true after Serena through a tirade at the Australian Open some time back. However, after some apologizing and a really hot win streak she seems to be back in the public’s good books.
-Tiger Woods will no more then one more major.
CORRECT: And the incredible fall of Tiger Woods continues. Not only did his “return” not turn out the way the media had anticipated, he has fallen to the point where he does not even finish minor tournaments anymore. Some say his personal life got the best of him, but I will note that he had not won a major in the year before his wife bashed his car windows in. Even with the hype behind you, when you are done, you are done…plus its golf so who cares.
-Reality T.V. will undergo a tough phase due to the oversaturation of the medium (especially with this recent wave of knocks like the Choice, Glasshouse etc.). Even ratings heavyweight American Idol will continue to suffer. Score one for the Golden Age of television.
CORRECT: This is actually one of my favorite predictions that same true. I guess there is only so much contrived, formulaic, and pathetic TV that people will watch before enough is enough. In the case of American Idol after that Taylor Hicks season it was all downhill when people with zero charisma and bland looks began to routinely win the competition. Philip Philips? Please.
-Despite the re-vamp of Simon Cowell’s X-factor it will remain a disappointment.
CORRECT: What a train wreck this show was. Even the Hail Mary of hiring a Kardashian (no talent + no talent = success?) did not work as the show was cancelled in short order.
-Despite the support of TBS ratings for Conan O’Brien’s talk show will continue to dwindle until he is embarrassingly cancelled.
SEMI-CORRECT: I feel sorry for Conan because he is talented and funny, but is his show even still on? If the other networks had any sense one of them would hire him to go up against Fallon because the no talents currently in place (i.e. Jimmy Kimmel) are getting killed.
-Jay Leno will remain the undisputed king of late-night (Ryan that one’s for you).
CORRECT: Not only did he remain the undisputed king of late-night until his retirement, his successor Jimmy Fallon continues to hold it down for NBC.
-David Stern will finally release his dubious grip on the NBA and finally resign under mounting pressure for his debacles.
CORRECT: While I thought David Stern would have been forced out with his highly dubious nixing of the Chris Paul to LA trade that set the Lakers franchise back decades, Stern has able to keep his shaky hand on the wheel for a little while longer until he resigned about a year after.
-Someone will die as a result of an on ice injury in hockey in the near future. Months of coverage by the sports media will follow.
INCORRECT: While this has not happened yet, I am sure that given the mounting violence in hockey, this tragedy and the ensuing media storm are still on the horizon.
-Ditto as the above for professional football.
INCORRECT: see above.
-Carly Rae Jespen (or whatever her name is ) will displace Tom Cochrane as the greatest Canadian one hit wonder ever. Unless of course she sadly “goes slutty” and moves to the United States. SEMI-CORRECT: Hard to say on this one. While yes, Carly Rae has not had a hit anywhere close to the level of her break-out song, she still has had some other small scale hits. I think she has also moved to the States, but the jury is still out on this one.
-People Magazine will come under fire for being racist due to it never selecting a minority as its ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ (only one time in the publication’s history has the title gone to a non-white).
CORRECT: Not only has the Bachelor taken heat for not having any minorities in the lead role in over 20 seasons, I have heard some rumblings about the same complaint with respect to People magazine. Of course these rumblings could just be in my head because the magazine continues to churn out its annual magazine with forgettable fly-by-night white men on its cover.
-Despite the recent swirl over head injuries in the NFL the game might change to accommodate more precautions, but will not lose any interest by audiences. Furthermore, the recent worry that athletes will be deterred from playing football thereby leading to some kind of shortage on the supply side will be a non-factor given the massive talent pool in the United States and Canada. Somehow Bill Simmons and Malcolm Gladwell talked about each of these issues as problems but did not make the link.
CORRECT: While the state of concussions in the NFL is still as pronounced as ever getting to the point of the Seau family being banned from speaking at his NFL Hall of Fame induction ceremony, the sport continues to be a rating powerhouse and the centerpiece of American sports.
-The Office will be mercifully cancelled by NBC (about 3 years too late).
CORRECT: The poor Office, it was an amazing and groundbreaking concept when Ricky Gervais first invented it and the American knock off was pretty good too, at least for a while. The last few seasons were like torture and thankfully it was put out its misery.
-The overuse of Sheldon Cooper on CBS’s Big Bang Theory will lead to audience exhaustion and cause an early end to the show.
INCORRECT: Through some clever tricks which include the steady introduction of new characters and some semi-cliffhangers the show has kept itself going and remains a ratings force. I would point out though that this was the first year in a while Jim Parsons was not nominated for an Emmy for his role on the show. Maybe the critical exhaustion comes first?
-Oprah Winfrey’s OWN television network will continue to disappoint leading to its dismemberment. A return to her old program is possible.
SEMI-CORRECT: Although OWN has struggled and Oprah herself has admitted to the networks troubles, it creaks on so the jury is still out on this call.
-Every solo project undertaken by the members of ‘Jersey Shore’ will fail miserably.
CORRECT: Another one of my favorite calls. Not only did the show go on for far too long and the cast become incredibly lame and their antics tame (seriously moving plants around in the house was a prank?), but their spin-offs were even worse. The Show With Vinny? Who was the genius behind that one?
-Barrack Obama wins re-election as President barring some massive scandal.
CORRECT: Sensational.
-In Canada (where I am from) the ruling Conservative Party will continue to rule until the two prominent left wing parties, the NDP and the Liberals, amalgamate.
CORRECT: The Conservative part of Canada continues to lead the Canadian government despite an ever growing list of scandals and stupid decisions. How do they keep office despite these setbacks and the fact that they have not had a surplus in any of their eight years in office (pretty shabby for a party that prides itself on economics and slashing social services)? Well by the age old tactic of blaming immigrants and visible minorities of course! Following the Mayor Quimby playbook the Conservatives have successfully been able to distract Canadians to the point that despite all of their failings they remain in office. Of course, the other problem keeping a failed government in power is that there is no alternative, or rather no definitive alternative. As many of you know Canada has two leftist parties, the Liberals and the Extreme-liberals known as the NDP. Unfortunately, these two parties have split the left-wing vote to the point that it divides most Canadians and continues to allow a party that lives on dividing Canadians to keep office. Sadly, until the Liberals and NDP amalgamate and unite the left, the Conservatives are likely to keep their hold on the government be it in minority or majority form. I have been saying this for years and while the idea has gained traction, there has not been enough traction by the left to get this done. Here is the e-mail I sent to both the Liberals and the NDP 7 years ago imploring them to unite:
Hello,
My name is Samir XXXXX I voted Liberal in this 2008 election and am a recent law school graduate. I am writing because I was wondering why the Liberal Party of Canada does not merge parties with NDP. It seems like the most logical thing to do, instead of dividing the left wing votes and allowing the conservatives to keep rolling into Office the two parties should merge, possibly including the Green party, and take the country back from the Conservative agenda,
Please try and accomplish this, Canada needs it,
Sincerely,
-The four evil masters of the Media Universe, Adam Sandler, Howard Stern, Seth Macfarlane and the phoniest man in show business Ryan Seacrest will continue to put out terrible projects that will rake in millions in undeserved income until the populace realizes that these guys are talentless, shallow hacks who don’t deserve anything!! I can’t wait for that day, but I can feel it coming!! Bring on the media revolution!!!
SADLY CORRECT: Before you ask me to run out and buy a lottery ticket, really this one was not hard to call. It makes me feel awful and this is definitely my least favorite prediction that came true. Each of the aforementioned individuals continues to reap millions despite their hack-ish nature and no talent. More specifically:
-Howard Stern with no talent still rakes in millions;
- Adam Sandler with no talent and being not funny in the least continues to see his projects green-lit and reaps millions (although I absolutely loved him getting ripped in those leaked Sony e-mails);
Seth Macfarlane who has a somewhat talented skill set, continues to engage in projects he selects are just awful, repetitive, and vile;
-And of course Ryan Seacrest who although is going down with the American Idol ship, continues to be a media darling despite his phony persona and lack of talent all while earning more money than he should (which should be no more than 5 cents/hr) and scoring with women way out his league (which should be no hotter than Roseanne).
Again this is a sad state of affairs. And while I had hoped that in the near future these no talents would have been removed from the public sphere, they still remain earning more gobs of money and attention that they definitely should not be. Is there hope in the future? Well I am an optimist, so I would say yet, but with the ever growing expansion of the no talent fame-whore spectrum which includes Chris Harrison, the Kardashians, Jimmy Kimmel etc., when and where real talent will stand up and take back the light is yet to be seen. Of course I am not saying real talent is out there but as a society we definitely need more of consistent and proportional fame-to-talent ratio.
Until next time, and the next call list.
